Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours. Choose a job you love and youll never have to work a day in your lifebecause that field isnt hiring. Not everyone has to like me. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. I didnt want to interrupt her. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. 80. 223. Need to send some positive energy your way? Your habits become your values. 8. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. We need to hear a pin drop. "After 30, a body has a mind of its own.". Funny Affirmations - Etsy 20. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. 23. I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life. The best things in life are free. I train my body. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. 140. Today, I choose to put on my positive pants. 40. 182. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me., 8. 156. 6. I tried, but they wanted cash. I draw from my inner strength and light. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield. 96. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. I tell you what always catches my eye. Rather, the goal is to help kids recognize the truth, in situations and in themselves. 54. Ken Dodd, 255. 51. I am already great, and I am yet to reach my full potential. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. 116. 52. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. My mind is becoming much sharper. Send me the link. 144. 232. Is it perfect? 104. 266. Im sure youve heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily. - Unknown. 98. Life is always easier with some humor, smiles, laughter and fun. Education cost money. 249. People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor.. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. My body deserves love. I am adventurous. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. 27. It may feel useless but just get into it. Whatever I do, I will do it for fun, but with dedication and focus. 43. 264. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. Snowballs. I will tell the negative voice inside my head to shut up. 63. Effective pushing often involves poop. 116. It takes so little to change your life! 8. Daily affirmation: your hair is so much better than it was in middle school., 2. 234. 190. I dont worry about getting older. Repeat the affirmation as many times as you see fit. 217. Think about all the things you're struggling with in your life. Top 40 Best Funny Affirmations To Make Your Day (2023) Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if you're one of them (I bet you are), you're going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm.I'm sure you've heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily.They are a powerful to. I am grateful for that time. At night, I cant fall asleep. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. Stop playing with me., 6. Im thinking like a proton, always positive., 9. Not looking at the price tag when Im shopping., 11. 180. Everyone brings happiness to this office. Every day, read them aloud for the best results. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer. What is Mozart doing right now? My funny vibes attract my happy tribe. 1. Swimming trunks. Socrates. 133. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. Funny Daily Affirmations. 5. 68. 171. I might take a nap if I get tired, but I wont quit. My mood swings keep life interesting. When they go away, its a brighter day. A wishbone. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 36. 160. Short Funny Affirmations - Finally, I'm Revealing My Secret Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. 26. Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #affirmations, #affirmation, #funnyaffirmation, #dailyaffirmations, #affirmationsoftheday, # . 228. I often wish I was someone else Just so I could hang around with someone as awesome as me. 162. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. My jokes do. 13. Jackie Collins, 240. 57. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? 110 Funny Work Quotes To Jazz Up Your Workplace - Vantage Circle Start as soon as you wake up in the morning. Remember that the effects of affirmations are no laughing matter, so make sure your voice is heard. Dont forget that you get 24 hours, even on your worst day. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. Some people are like clouds. I didnt fall, Im just spending some quality time with the floor. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you buy. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. No, but April may. Being funny increase people's tendency to connect with you and talk to you. Erma Bombeck I teach my kids good things in sarcastic ways. 89. 173. Thats what youre called when you dont have a job. 80 Funny Quotes To Make You Smile | Shutterfly - Ideas & Inspiration This is a good thing because affirmations are supposed to be associated with happiness and positive emotions. 61. Whatever you must do todaydo it with the confidence of a 4-year-old in a Batman cape., 2. Why did the school kids eat their homework? Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat., 6. Theres life without Facebook and internet? How do you count cows? 208. Good morning! I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. I get up, dress up, and show up. Ive got three bones. My chins are a stairway to heaven. 271. This is the beauty of funny affirmations. Decomposing. 181. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? Never let anyone waste your time twice. Sincerely, yourself., 2. Im amusing and make the people around me happy. Lorrin L. Lee. Your values become your destiny. 277. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. 111. Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? The 50 Funniest Inspirational Quotes - Curated Quotes 239. Wonderwoman: single. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. 99. Still, you need to embrace each of these surprises with same positive conviction and appreciation. My liver still works. Im like a postage stamp. 60. Dont forget to drink water and get some sun. Also read: 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. Make it inspiring. 20 Funny Positive Affirmations for Self-Esteem 205. Theres no stopping me now. A backbone. Expect nothing and appreciate everything. With a cowculator. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. 26. A mind is like a parachute. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. 100 Short Positive Affirmations: Keep Repeating Them 169. 15. Description for this block. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldnt have a job if he was any smarter. John Gotti, 6. 192. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. 210. 78. 272. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations to motivate you to come out of your comedic shell. Albert King. 39. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. 87. 94. Albert Einstein, 190. Every day I am devoted to my passions and dreams. Its a door, thats how they work. Then you stand in front of the mirror, take a deep breath in, open your mouthwait, this is funny. Helen Giangregorio I'm amusing and people enjoy talking to me. 164. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. 136. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. 162. They shape our present and have an impact on our future. 12. I am thankful for all the problems I dont have. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. 225. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. Im a work in progress without a completion date., See also: 120 Ultimate Best Quotes About Progress To Fuel Your Growth. 242. They planet. Run. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. A backbone. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. I choose to stop obsessing about my body. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. 12. Laughter brings me closer to people. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. 223. 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. 178. What do you call a bear with no teeth? 25 Daily Mantras For Positive Thinking | Positive Creators What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Dear universe, I am totally open to all the amazing things coming my way. God's promises are here to give you perfect peace, good news, renew your strength and reveal the will of God in your life. 100. 188. Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up. Ive made it from the bed to the couch. Enjoy! 102. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. Not everyone has good taste. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. 57. It will have a positive effect on your mind and body, and form an association between affirmations and a happy feeling. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. Im thinking like a proton, always positive. 87. 7. 65. 232. Friday Affirmations: 20 Affirmations to Wind Down the Week Subscribe To Our Newsletter! I dont suffer from insanity. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Your actions become your habits. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. I thought you said extra fries. 234. 121. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. 3. 7. 193. 171. 250. 273. We get so worried about being pretty lets be pretty kind, pretty funny, pretty smart, pretty strong., 9. Happiness is a choice. health is important. It gets toad away. I feel great. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? 65. Life begins on Friday night. 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? 150. 114. 243. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well. Nothing, they just waved. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. Bill Murray Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. I can create positive change in the world. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Never judge a book by its movie. 58. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. Chris Rock I breathe in and out. Benjamin Franklin 120. Below youll find a collection of funny affirmations for work that will help you stay motivated and fight the work stress more efficiently. 18 Funny Positive Affirmations to Get Through Your Shitty Day 82. Heres some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. 80 Soren Kierkegaard Quotes On Love, Life And Philosophy, Top 90 Martin Luther King Jr. 119. 172. 225. 2. I understand people talking about me. Heres a giant list of funny affirmations to help you relax your mind with a little humor when youre stressed. 64. I get it nowIm single because Im a superhero., See also: 140 Single Quotes For Instagram Celebrating Single Life. Granted, it can be challenging to write affirmations, especially if you havent done it before. 167. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting! 100 Funny Monday Quotes and Sayings - Inside Of Happiness Cindy from Marzahn. 1. 35. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. 4. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. I am on a seafood diet. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. Snowballs. 123. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. 24. 81. Some when they enter, others when they leave., 2. Why is England the wettest country? Love your enemies. 158. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. Envelope. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. 270. I dont care! Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Friends buy you food. Short people with an umbrella. 2. I never apologize. I walk in the direction of what feels good for my soul. 27. Pampered cows produce spoiled milk. 20. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. How do astronomers organize a party? Flip Wilson, 263. 173. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. 8. 3. Your words become your actions. Give your body time to absorb the positivity and let go of negative thoughts. Ive been doing nothing for years. 1. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. Steve Martin My sense of humor makes the world a better place., 8. You deserve it! No matter what I look like. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. Enjoy! 240. Why did the can crusher quit his job? 25. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. We have rounded up the best collection of funny affirmations, quotes, sayings, captions, positive thoughts (with images and pictures) to encourage friends and family to manifest their thoughts into things. Never ask a starfish for directions. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. Affirmations are a powerful tool to overcome self-sabotaging thoughts and boost your self-esteem. I am passing all the things and hardships with a smile. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. All you need is love. 7. Following my intuition and my heart keeps me safe and sound. 47. Or maybe, you just love cracking jokes and making people laugh. 214. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up., 14. If I lose my hopes, I am afraid my mom will still scold me for taking it out and showing it to friends. Its a door, thats how they work. 53. 1. If only common sense were more common. This is a snap. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. Every day I become calmer and do more good for the world. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. - Benjamin Franklin. What do I do for a living? They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. Shoot for the moon. Perhaps youre just starting to use affirmations and still cant take yourself seriously. Frances McDormand, 42. Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? I see food, and I eat it. If I am willing to go back to bed when I wake up, I will go and make up the bed. 100+ weird quotes that make no sense at all but are funny If you feel like todays not your day and the best thing would be to stay in bed, Ive got something that will cheer you up. 43. You can simply try out one of our funny options, or think of affirmations that best match your sense of humor. Paul Ehrlich I can have peace, even when people irritate me. Allow yourself to laugh if you feel the need. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. 50. 260. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Pat Sajak, 41. Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. 1,132 Positive Affirmations: Your Daily List of - Develop Good Habits Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? Envelope. I want to afford them., 2. I love my job only when Im on vacation. I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. Why cant you trust an atom? Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for! 279. Discover short videos related to funny affirmations on TikTok. , we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. 268. Life is filled with highs and lows, stress and anxiety, so sometimes some funny and positive words will help you lighten up on an encouraging note. I am on a seafood diet. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. I create my life on a quantum level. I dont cross oceans for people who wouldnt cross puddles for me. 63. 201. 9. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. 34. Why did the can crusher quit his job? All rights reserved. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. 196. 200 Best Sarcastic Quotes and Funny Sarcasm Sayings - Parade 142. Unknown. "Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.". Funny Friday Quotes. Sometimes the M is silent. 170. I deserve sugar, spice, and all things nice. I am intelligent. Life gives the test first and then the lesson. And their purpose certainly isn't to minimize hard feelings. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. I make the right choices every time. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. He who laughs last didnt get it. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. I try to see the funny side of every situation., 3. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. Learn sign language, its very handy. 276. As long as I have friends as weird as me, I have everything. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. 168. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. Reciting witty affirmations can help you rise above any problems you encounter. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please. It doesnt work if it is not open. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. So life is not always "All The Way Up", I guess. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut., 6. 111. 105. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? Send me the link. I am naturally cool, calm, and collected. The older I get, the more I start ignoring my friends. 110. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. When you leave work on Friday, leave work. 120 Funny/sarcastic affirmations ideas - Pinterest I am lazy till I get a motive. Hes dreaming too. Sam Levenson 169. Bill Murray Good morning! 275. 226. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. 218. 184. The thing is, I am still getting ready. I make a difference by showing up fully. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on. 68. You cant have everything, where would you put it? Whether its because of a bad breakup or just feeling really down, there are ways to look on the bright side and come out on top. Heres a list of important things to consider: Choosing the perfect affirmation from our list isnt much different. Funny Wednesday Work Quotes. Sometimes these surprises are way too spectacular and sometimes way too tragic. We all have different and distinctive senses of humor thats what makes us such unique individuals. "It's going to be hard, but hard does not mean impossible.". 200. 97. Positive Daily Affirmations for Women. Because he was always spotted. 152. Read next: 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. Benjamin Franklin. To thrive in life you need three bones. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? The library, because it has so many stories. 14. So far, so good. 203. 269. Make the statements about yourself and for yourself. Nobody gets out alive anyway. You were too lazy to read that number. Be careful when you follow the masses. 213. But it'll move up again.". 1. So, watch your words, restructure your thoughts, and stay positive if you want to see a change in your life.