IM TIRED!!!! Any time I suggested steps to actually find paying clients, or to engage with other people in her field, or to network, or to do anything other than staying home and reading the blogs of more successful people, her go-to response is That sounds exhausting. But how about support for the partners of unemployed people? Our biggest asset in life is our time. My hubby and I have known each other for over 18yrs. I know the depression and anxiety that can come from not having a job and the guikt others place on you. One important thing I will like to say to all these woman if their partner is financial unstable, please please do not try to have baby with them it just creates more problem. The recession has been so devastating for so many people. So helpful to know im not alone. on housework when their husband is unemployed. Im haunted already. He does do the housework and cook but its only the two of us in a one bed flat. first live-in mistake from 2001 to 2010 only worked one year out of nine .was hooked on internet and internet games. NO! I know hes a liar and a loser, I feel like sh**, like Im being used and everything Ive done and am currently doing is all for nothing. Being unemployed and not driving sucks. He doesnt know how to network (or wont) he wont talk to anyone about it, he has no friends and relies on me solely for everything. He just began school again after winter break and just yesterday he stayed he needs a break from things. When they arent doing this, they are playing on their computer, laying in bed/sleeping or pretty much generally lazing around morning, noon and night. You are lucky you are not married to him. I dont want to be 10 years from now and my husband is still chronically unemployed, angry, depressed, and taking it all out on me. We also dont have sex on a regular basis, so there is a lot missing from our already strained marriage. It is not all about money exept for the fact that it costs money to live or survive. This is known as "specializing," explains Ogolsky. My parents have offered to help out but were holding out hope that something good happens soon. You have a family. She later also sent me every msg he had sent her n gave me great detail of the things he did n would say to her. Resentment is a bitch! I can barely read these posts without tears. sometimes we all need friends to help us through the decision making process, everything our partners don t want us to do, afraid we will get stronger and not be guilty when we walk. Pray to God for the energy, sympathy, tolerance, and knowledge to get you through this testing season. Until then, I try to do as much housework as possible, I try to cook for him and I constantly remind him how much I love him and appreciate him. I want to hear what they have to say after theyve supported their unemployed partner for over two years. He wont agree to seeking help for depression so now what? Dont provide a club med at home life for him. So the lesson is, if you dont free yourself, thats the road you have to face, married or not. Too bloody bad. We have no family to assist us and I cant bring myself to ask friends for help. He was supportive for the week when I was really down, but in mentioning the upcoming memorial service (delayed due to the aforementioned family issues) this morning, he said he had completely forgotten about it, as he had other things on his mind. I promise that if we did this for FIVE years and are in a happy place now, its possible. After reading half these stories Im too exhausted of everything to write out my own. As hes been out of his profession for so long, its doubtful hell be rehired in the same profession, much less at the same salary. I feel your pain. No one is saying it is easy, and no one is saying there wont be difficultiesbut why are those who give that advice painted as insensitive or just dont understand? Since I loved him, I bought him a car and paid off his ticket and got his license renewed. HARD. Every day is different and I am so lost..What can I do to get the man I fell for back? I can barely afford gas to get me to the income, and cant even pay the rent (3 months behind, and landlord has already threatened to kick us out) yet, the significant other looks for MORE jobs to add to MY plate! He has no ambition any longer to do better for himself or his family. And we dont have sex. Anyways, he finally, after 18 months gets a part time job at a local store and we break up. I felt guilty because he had always been the main breadwinner. Thank you for your comment. People can be out for a variety of reasons; illness, retirement, unemployment, a desire to start their own business, to become a stay at home parent/caregiver, to go back to school full time etc. I never feel like I have a day off when I do have a day off because this person is just always here so Im forced to be the one who leaves if I want to get away from them. To cope with an unemployed husband, demand no less than one night in seven days when you can plan time alone or with your very own companions. He does yard work and hes not a stranger to cooking a meal or doing laundry. I believe im not the only one facing this problem here.. It was not the lack of money so much as these other 3 factors. Partners of Unemployed People: Take Care of Yourself. He basically lives off of me. He has started paying a third of the rent, but it comes in drips and I often have to ask multiple times. Sweden doesnt work like that and despite being a well educated woman with many talents I didnt get work. When he was laid off I said you need a job by October or we are in trouble. Now we are in trouble and he is yelling at me. This is not logical and everyone knows. Feel lost. The longer someone has been out of the general workforce the harder it is to get back into it. Overtwoyears! women spent 2.6 hours on such activities, while men spent 2.1 hours. He quit working after years of being fired after 1-2 years at most jobs. I believe in his skills. Reminds me of someone who lives with me who I wish had some sort of a life (a job, hobbies, interests, something, anything to get them the hell out of the house for eight/nine hours a day so I can have a fucking break from them without me having to leave.) Basically no money to live here with me or move anywhere else! Unlike some of the other comments on her, I know/believe that he is actively looking for work and he doesnt want to be in this situation as much I do. Have you even read these comments? Holy Crap Ladies! Too bad. There were one or two who dhowed great promise and even had formal interviews with a promise of a trial day or two to see how she did They never got back to her. I also had not sold my home in the UK due to the financial crash so still had one leg there. When they looked for job, they will say they are overqualified for a lot of work if they got good education.They may think an Then he tells me he is in a crisis because he doesnt know what he wants to do with his life! David, In hes appling himself and get jobs but its not even exciting to even hear about them anymore .Im just like good you have a job lets see how long you gone keep it. I have become quite OCD when it comes to spending money on luxury items, and seldom do. DEAR UNEQUAL MARRIAGE: It is really hard when people change the terms of an emotional partnership unilaterally. Things will NOT get better. A year later he was still there and hadnt been the best roommate or boyfriend. In between jobs, Im working 3 jobs, 7 days a week in order to pay all the bills and stay afloat. However,I I have been identified by my wife as the main contributor of stress in her life, something she cannot endure any longer. Im serious. A recent study by Review of Economics of the Household shows what women already . Good luck with that. There is a difference between a person being unemployed and genuinely seeking employment and a person who has the character where they are willing to financially abuse another. While I understand hes had his struggles, I feel Ive let him walk all over me. I hate the doubt in my mind that he isnt trying hard enough. Point out your progress and stay receptive to your partners feedback without being defensive or feeling like its a personal attack. I know he struggles too, but I feel a lot of resentment and frustration like so many other people here. She said: "Robert asked me to be less condescending. These days, one of the most incessant nags of feminists is that husbands won't do half the housework. Very easy when youve never ever been there. About 4 weeks after surgery, she .. went back to work fulltime. I became by small but unrelenting progression of degrees, an absolute wreck. With the latter two you may question why you are putting up with it and even tolerating the person when they are hardly working or not working at all more often. Im confused. I never feel taken advantage of financially. My Husband Doesn't Help Me Around the House | amotherworld I dont pretend to know what is the right advice or best advice for anyone in a situation where they are being abused and/or live in constant fear of abuse. It is very stressful. He says hes trying but all i see is him going to hang out with friends. What to do when husband won't help with the chores My husband works periodically, hell go for a few months or 8 at the most and then hell get laid off. We have gone to counseling, taken classes. And if I were to attempt to suggest that he work to at least make my life slightly bearable, I risk a temper fit that may leave all of my belongings destroyed for all I know. This doesnt sound horrible until you consider the fact that he owes over $5,000.00 in child support (for 2 different moms, 2 kids), thousands in unpaid medical bills, repossessed homes, unpaid lease terminations, car payments, phone bills, utility bills, lawyer fees, I mean the list is endless. I want that for him more than I want his financial help. Today, my wife and children will never know the horrors that I saw and experienced because of me taking a stand. My partner is really supportive but I know that hes pressured too because his mom always talks about money and about how hard it is for me to get a job because I did not finish bachelors. Avoid criticisms and judgments such as, "You never do any housework! I tried talking to him about my feelings and concerns and nothing changes. Its the first time I started to wonder if hes unable to stay employed. Previous jobs have been short-lived and dont seem to last. Just sayingthe supportive partner needs support too. I feel old, I feel that my opportunities are dwindling away, thats how much I have became embroiled and involved in my sisters financial survival. Its F*cking ridiculous. You have two choices. This is no excuse (unless he is sick)for him not to get job and rely on you. When he goes for a job interview, he insists that he should get to drive my car because it will look better. 6. And maybe you have some disappointment to your self. I feel for the people commenting here, I am currently in a similar situation. In the real world, you probably need to speak up about the inequity here. I like this article and really feel for Ms. Y but the suggestions to deal with it impossible. He was very nice and very attentive to me and always called me beautiful and brought me little gifts. Dump his ass, any guy who truly cared for you and was on the same page is going to work at Walmart and make no bones about it as long as his girl says she respects him and loves him no matter what job he has to take for now. My efforts to get him to go out, meet people, network have all fallen flat. Choose to be silent, join a group on a spiritual practice that you enjoy, light a candle and reflect, journal your thoughts and feelings, or attend spiritual events and retreats. Breadwinning wives also don't get parity in how household chores are divvied up. So. Now that you know how real men think is he the man for you? We have had 0 sex kife for months because i am afraid of him. Now he told our 10 year old daughter that I should be working harder when he has been unwilling to look at any job that isnt THE perfect job. (Thank you, dear mother in law) I send my love to everyone out there experiencing the hopelessness of their situation. I call BS. Im doing everything in my end but whenever his mom talks to us, I feel that she is thinking that Im just bumping around doing nothing. Thats it. He does clean and cook, but thats not enough. I was even willing to work at a gentlemens club as a hostess (they usually take any young female with a pretty face), but as I passed the idea to my boyfriend he was not happy. Who knows. At least once a day ask yourself How can I be helpful to my partner? said Marie Land, a psychologist in Washington, D.C. At least once a week ask your partner how you can be helpful.. I have already got a storyline of Asian-belly concocted (same as the last trip! I bought a nice house based on two incomes, so that he could have his damned man cave , and I cant handle the expenses anymore. Thanks for letting me vent and seeing your kindred stories. The wife still try to make her partner find full time/part time work, or make them do more house work . But currently I am going through a stressful time at my job plus having to pay all bills, clean the house, wash clothes, make dinner, do homework for my Bachelors degree, make sure the kids do their homework, and get the kids up for school everyday. You messed up, now you got to fix it and its tough because feelings are involved games played and keep reminding yourself of what you deserve and what you want and are able to give In return, the answer will reveal itself and the thought of you hurting yourself because of some guy with two legs a penis and no sense only shows how he has got you right where he wants you. Im 20 and so stressed about money Im genuinely going mental. Even the women in my family agree. I cant stand being home for too long I like to get out and have fun even if its going to the park! I am historically an optimist and therefore like to believe in the great and wonderful potential I see, yet at the same time feel like my needs, and myself, have fallen by the wayside in the midst of this unemployment depression veil. Last December, The New York Times reported on a regrettable trend. Hes highly educated, but not being picked up by any employers. If he doesnt that means that he has little to no desire to help and support his wife. They still keep dialing for dollars every week lying to unemployment saying that they are looking for work when they clearly arent. I went through unemployment myself when I finished my doctorate. My husband has been unemployed for 18 months. I am her older sister, so naturally I started to help her with the necessities. he is not interested in sex with me. I have serious health issues and Im barely holding on. Well, Im ready to feed my dreams and I am about to have the TALK after the holidays. His dad constantly threatens to kick him out if he doesnt get a job. I even paid for an online class for him. Ive already used all my savings and financial aid to help with bills and groceries, and other misc. One more thing. Yet, she fights with me frequently because i am not bringing in enough money (i often offer to pay for bills but she declines). As for me Im about to run with the wind. WOW. I understand how you feel exactly and am going out of my mind at the moment with not a clue how to right things.My boyfriend of a decade has been unemployed or part time employed fir the last four years, currently working ten hours a week. Some days I just want to pack him up and move him out. I dont discuss it with family or friends because they all feel enough is enough and I should leave him. So I say ladies we are being used and in our relationships we have discovered when the chips are down our partners prefer to stay down and watch us haul the baggage. Btw, weve been married for over a decade. I still want a true job. I am sure he was meeting a new woman as he was constantly texting with someone he claimed was a friend who lived there that was going to help him out. You can skip to the end and leave a response. No one promised you or owes you anything. Its takes a couple of years to figure peoples motives out sometimes. All I want is for people to believe in me and dont assume that Im just bumping around. We both quit our jobs to move. I found all you wonderful gals experiencing What I have been going through. He gets mad when you tell him to get lost? Im frustrated because it does NOT take a YEAR to get a job..ANY job, I dont care if its flipping burgers. You think, oh just go get a job anything will do and that is not the way it is. The last person he spoke to was our 19 year old daughter. Well, I am going through something similar. I have talked to some friends I find these long term unemployment/ these only do few hours part time for a week , they have some things in comment: Professional help can assist you with learning new skills and strategies that can be helpful to your marriage. Ive been insulted and times he tells me that if I would have listened to him on specific ideas we would not be where we are. Husband and housework?! | Mumsnet I was hoping for 10 or even 20x that. Just speaking the truth. My husband doesn't do any housework or chores. HELP! The majority of women have turned into heartless, money grubbing, self entitled! I feel like I am taking care of a 16 year old. you can not expect doing nothing with the lazy long term unemployed husband change and your life will become better. My husband recently retired, while I'm still working part-time. Please fill out all required fields to submit your message. Not a call. You need to leave him if he does not get a job. I cant even find rent for less than my mortgage payment, so selling my house would be a stupid move. So fed up and exhausted working full time, cleaning, cooking, driving, taking dogs out, washing and ironing and shopping while he sits all day drinking beer and yet I get treated like its my fault and I should support him!! I honestly want to better myself and hes not helping, not even pulling his own weight. The other half of the problem is his depression. And dont think he cannot do more damage. I wouldnt work even if I were physically able! Hes getting interviews and even offers but they dont come to fruition due to regulations on nationality % within the labour force of each company in this region. What kind of man doesnt work or look for work then asks his mom for funds??? Some of the comments above piss me off to no end. If you are out actively seeking employment and honestly giving your best effort AND you are working any job (even if its flipping burgers or being a Walmart greeter) you can find until you get back into your career job.then this thread isnt about you, because you are making an effort. In a perfect world, both partners would work toward the success of their relationship. At that time, the man was running a graphic design business from home, in cooperation with another person. he was super kind but we didnt manage to communicate properly. Maybe I have been too patient and supportive and should have been a nag all along, but that would have been contrary to who I am :-(. 1. I dont lie but he does and its so so hard to be a believer in situations like this when it seems its For worse, poorer, and sickness. I have felt gaslighted, future-faked, scapegoated, manipulated and financially abused. Things will work out. Now all this Im saying there are reasons why I married him why I chose him he loves me and our son he fixes things and is a protector but I dont know if that is enough anymore. It is so nice to be able to read other peoples stories and hear that I am not the only one in this situation. We both dropped out of University and met at a call center after. I love him so much, and just cant imagine him not in my life.but I cant watch myself settle. and hes on the PC trying to get money for the surveys online, or hes playing solitaire, or like he used to, be on Facebook talking to this female friend.He is just using me I feel like. Then he got really sick and my son felt sorry for him and asked him to stay with us. If you need to rely on other people to get to interviews, how could you make it to a daily job? Participate in life, or make everyones life easier and get out. I am one of those ladies out there. Please help if you can!! I will have to return to work very soon because Centrelink only gives me 18 weeks leave. There is a lot of man bashing on here. I think about leaving a lot, but what would it really accomplish? You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. I last posted on Jan 23, 2015, I was totally miserable back then. I got well there but the financial crash happened in 2008 and so I couldnt fin work. Did you even read the article? A man should provide for his family. Around 6000. All in all, I didnt realise the stress it can cause the partner of an unemployed person. Just a hard worker. He was laid off in September due to lack of work at the business. He is looking for work- no luck so far. Its been over a year and he hasnt even bothered looking for a job. He cleaned the dishes, he cooks the dinner, takes out the trash, cleans the bathroom, gathers the laundry, and drives me to the bus stop every morning at 5:30 am. Three months after we got married he got fired from his job. None of this was easy though and it took years to work throughbut trust me when I say to you all, it is worth it. And, because I wasnt strong enough to get rid of him when there were red flags I stupidly signed a lease with him and now I am stuck supporting my ex-boyf who refuses to move out or pay his fair share. Seven years ago, my wife and I were married. What happened to the hardworking man i married? Hes doing neither of the last two, but expects me to pay for his counseling. Ive stayed with her even though she cheated for the first few months of our relationship, I put myself in debt to help clear HER debt, had to put my education and goals on hold, so that I can work full time to support both of us. My boyfriend cant handle it hes ready to break up.hes tired of being broke. It does take awhile unfortunately, but it is the only way.